I’m going to start a project.
On the surface I seem to be just an ordinary Mum with a little baby. Look a bit further... that ‘little’ baby is actually 10 months old and was born in July, when he should have been safely tucked up in my tummy for another 6 weeks. He has just gone into size 3-6 month clothes. Our version of ‘he’s fine’ omits the blood tests he still has to have and doctors who still want to keep an eye on him, but he is at home with us and he knows no different.
I missed out on a lot of those ‘ordinary’ things, and there is a big hole to fill.
I have been thinking for a while about making my experiences 'visual', time is obviously limited with a baby around. I feel hesitant to just parade his baby pictures all over the internet, they are precious to me, and I don’t want my son to be defined by his start. But it is important, and I think I have some interesting things to say.
So I’m going to start with what has been left. It will be quite literal 'objects' to start with, the things lying around my house that wouldn’t have been if everything had gone to plan, and we will see where it goes. Maybe one day I will be brave enough to help someone else.
‘Remnants of a Premature Birth’
I have a couple of these bags of bottles for expressed breast milk, They make quite a distinct noise all stuffed into a carrier bag together! A few of them are still lurking in the freezer storing milk. We have now put these up into the loft, for some reason I just can't throw them away, they seem too useful!
Expressing felt like one of the most constructive things I could do for my tiny little baby, it gave me something to work on.
I quickly learned however, that he would only come home when he was good and ready to, logical right?
Rather than because I wasn't trying hard enough or spending enough time at the hospital (all day!)
I was doing the best and only things I could already, I didn't need to be any 'better'.